Why Am I Doing This???😜

 I have asked myself a million times why am I feeling the need to do this? I am, and always have been, a very private person about my diagnosis.  Maybe it’s because have trouble trusting people to know everything about me, as I’m afraid they may turn around and use it against me? That may stem from just things that have happened throughout life.  Everyone gets hurt from time to time, but sometimes hurtful things can last a little longer and be harder than other times. Throughout life I’ve only had that handful of people that I would let close enough to help me or talk me through  times that have been difficult. However, when you have lost your parents certain friends become like your family. Also, situations dictate that you either open up or you get swallowed by what is going on in your life. The past year I have gone from perfectly independent, to not independent  with anything. Things are slowly but surely getting better and I am getting more and more function back. The things that have already happened have taught me so many positive lessons that I will live by the rest of my life. When you can’t do much of anything in your mind, you look around and see the people who are just waiting to pick up the pieces. For me, that was definitely Bob and Will, but also many many friends.  I could no longer hide the fact that I needed something, because that if I didn’t ask I couldn’t do. In my mind, not doing is not an option,  so if that’s what I had to learn to do then I did. Do I like asking people for help, absolutely not, but I know that there are times you just have to. Thank God that he put those people in my life that I feel comfortable enough to ask.  So throughout this journey I do not feel like I have lost a year of my life waiting on people to do things for me. I do however look at it as how grateful I am to have those people there to get me through to the next stage I’ll be at soon. I am thankful that God taught me that patience is not an option it is a must. I’m still not 100% good with that but I’m trying. Trust is also not in option.  I have had no option but to trust God 100% with what I’m going through because I knew I couldn’t do it. So if you ever doubt that he is there when you need him, I am living proof. One of my biggest reasons for pushing on and turning this into something positive, is that have a 12-year-old little boy watching me and how I handle everything. I want him to know, that throughout life there will be tough times, but you have to persevere.  We are not given challenges in life to hide them from others.  We are given challenges so we can be an example to other people, as God wants us to do, and show them that there is always something positive to find. One of the people that I think the world of shared this with me. She told me to continue to PUSH ( pray until something happens) and I  think about that saying every day. So never think that the little things that you say to someone doesn’t mean a lot. Just a kind word can change everything!  Have a good evening and a great day tomorrow!